I used to never share details of my finances. That all changed when I published Hustle Away Debt and revealed that my wife and I graduated from college with a combined $100,000 in student loans.
Now that our student loan debt is out there for all to see, I’m comfortable talking about that debt. As difficult as it has been to have that hanging over our heads, we are hardly alone: the average student today graduates college with over $30,000 in student loans. Student loan debt is quickly approaching $1.4 trillion (with a t).
But student loan debt isn’t the only debt people have. And debt is only one piece of your finances.
What about income? Should you share how much you make at your job? Who should you share it with, if anyone? And who should you definitely not share it with?
Today I want to tackle the difficult question of when you should – and shouldn’t – share your finances. I’ll do this by discussing three specific scenarios: work & salary, net worth & debt, and relationships.
When it comes to work & salary
Years ago, before most millennials were in the work force, it wasn’t as easy to get good information on how much people make at different jobs or companies. Fast forward to today and there is a massive amount of salary data available online.
In my post How to Find and Compare Salary Data I talk about just how easy it is to find how much people are getting paid for various jobs at various companies. Companies like Glassdoor and PayScale gather data (anonymously submitted) from users and share aggregated data with users.
For example, I can search “Finance Manager” for Minneapolis, MN, and even filter on specific companies. I work at a big company so there has been quite a few people who work at the same company with the same job title who have submitted their salary. This allows me – or anyone who is interested – to see what the range is.
With this widely available data I think it makes sense to not share specific income with others. If they really want to know how much you make, they can do a search on Glassdoor and get a pretty good idea. There is really no reason for others to know specifically how much you make.
Telling others, especially those at work, how much you make can have some negative effects. What if someone at your same level makes significantly more or less than you? No matter what someone is likely going to be upset.
When it comes to net worth & debt
While I did share in Hustle Away Debt how much in student loan debt my wife and I graduated with, I haven’t shared any of the other details of my finances. I’ve kept my income (both side hustle and 9-5), net worth, and virtually everything else to myself. I’ve taken this approach for a couple reasons.
- As a society we use finances as a measure of worth
I strongly believe our society elevates those who make a lot of money, and puts down those who do not. I believe it’s so ingrained in our culture that we do it subconsciously, even if we don’t intend to.Perhaps I’m overly sensitive to other people’s feelings, but I don’t want others to feel better or worse about their financial situation because of my financial situation. Now, there’s plenty of people who are open about their finances who they could compare themselves to, but I think choosing to not share about my own situation helps, even if it makes a seemingly immeasurable difference.
- It isn’t helpful
Some people openly broadcast their great financial situation and say that they are motivating others. Well…for each person you motivate you are at the same time making 10 others jealous and depressed.While I’m sympathetic to the argument that you can’t control how people react to information, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use discernment when sharing your financial information.
A friend of mine who I’ve gotten to know the past few years shared some details of their finances with me recently and it came from a motivational point of view. They make a considerable amount of money freelancing, and in many cases I would consider their disclosure of income as “inappropriate” as it is kind of depressing when compared to my 9-5(!). But I know they came from a point of view of “you can do this if you want to!” and “you are talented enough to make this happen if you want it enough!” I greatly appreciate them doing this because I honestly doubt they have disclosed their income to a more than a few individuals.
Overall I think it’s best to use caution and discernment when sharing your finances with others. Ask yourself “what effect will me sharing my finances have on this person (or situation)?” If you aren’t 99% sure that it will lift them up and encourage them, don’t do it!
When it comes to relationships
I recently wrote a money and relationship piece for PBS Twin Cities. This piece really got me thinking about what you should and should not disclose to a partner.
Overall I am in favor of being more transparent about money when we are talking about relationships. But there is one thing that gives me pause.
I have a fiend who got divorced a few years ago. When talking about his dating life post-divorce I couldn’t help but ask if he would consider marrying someone with student loans. His answer was a bit unsettling: “no, I wouldn’t.”
Really? Shouldn’t love transcend material things like money? Shouldn’t you do whatever it takes to make it work?
He’s being practical but I couldn’t help but feel disheartened. He’s a good guy, but was overly practical in his view on dating and debt.
I think both individuals in a relationship owe it to each other to be transparent about their finances. Now, I don’t think you have to divulge your income, credit score, and net worth on the first date. I do think that as the relationship becomes more and more serious it makes sense to share additional details.
After all, if someone literally is not going to marry you because of your debt, would you seriously want to be with someone like that? Or what if you are with someone who is uncomfortable with the other partner earning more income than them. Really? These are red flags in my opinion and either need to be dealt with or you need to move on.
These may be strong opinions, but you owe it to yourself and your partner to disclose and work through these things.
__________________________
In general it’s better to be careful about who you share details of your finances with. You never know how someone will react to details of your finances, and oftentimes it’s not necessary for them to know in the first place.
One last thought: if you are in a good spot financially, be humble. There are literally tens of millions of people who are living paycheck-to-paycheck or who have a ton of debt they are working through. Be sensitive to others. After all, you likely don’t know where they are at with their finances.
What are your thoughts on sharing your finances? Do you typically share your finances with others or keep it to yourself?
Check out some of our favorite personal finance resources:
Are you getting the best credit card rewards? Check out the top cash back credit card offers (updated daily)
Make extra money: 15 ways to make money from your computer
Get the First Chapter Free!
Join our online community and get the first chapter of the book Student Loan Solution absolutely FREE!
This really gives me something to think about. I don’t share my FT income, and I started sharing side hustle income from a perspective of letting others know it’s possible to make money online. This same info I’m reluctant to share with my famoly though, for all the reasons stated above.
I’ve read your income reports and I think the detail provides value to others. I do think if you started bringing in massive amounts of money you will need to weigh the pros and cons of sharing. I think at some point it starts losing value and instead makes others jealous, upset, deflated, etc.
You make some valid points here. I personally like reading income and net worth updates because it gives me an idea of where other people are at in terms of finances and gives me a comparison tool of where I can be.
I share my budget and net worth with my email subscribers. It’s a bit personal to share with the entire public, but what I like most is documenting the journey. I think for a lot of people who share these numbers, it’s about building a community to share your progress with.
I think it can be useful, but only if you share details of where the income came from. I think income updates with little to no detail are pointless at best and at worst make others feel bad about not making a similar amount online. But if you provide details and really outline how you got to where you are, where your income is coming from, how others can do it as well…that’s value added.
“but I don’t want others to feel better or worse about their financial situation because of my financial situation” Word! That is exactly why I’m against it. I never found it motivating when someone posted their huge income. Especially when it so gigantic, I feel like they are a bit out of touch with other people’s feelings. But hey, it’s just one person’s opinion. :)
I totally agree with you on this Tonya. I think people who are hauling in massive income online are out of touch when they share it. At the same time they are making a huge percentage of that income via hosting affiliate links…so it encourages them to keep sharing (since their income is reliant on it). It almost feels like a pyramid scheme and I have very mixed feelings about this strategy.
I can see both sides, but I really appreciate what you’re saying. After I graduated, I personally fell into a trap of comparing my salary with other friends who were my age and I still struggle with comparison. Now that I’m a little older (or maybe wiser) I chose to not let that get me down. As long as I’m working harder than anyone I know, I know financial success will come my way.
This is a really great attitude to have! When you are right out of college it’s always going to be the worst. A lot of times in college and before college people freely share how much they are making, because it typically isn’t that much. But after college salaries can vary greatly.
I’ve shared my side hustle income a little bit. Once I start making a certain amount I won’t share it. I don’t need people in my business like that. It’s motivating to read others, but that’s something that I will most likely keep private.
One thing I appreciate about your side hustle income shares is that there is some value to it. You share exactly how you made income, which I think is value-added. Others just share a huge number and there is no value added. They don’t go into detail and it doesn’t help others learn how to make the same income. So I think it can be okay to share in some situations, but I agree that once your income is high enough it makes sense to not share it.
I find it funny when bloggers post their freelance income online, especially if they’re raking it in. When you’re self-employed, I always assume you want to try to make as many deductions as possible to reduce taxes that are owed. If these people are posting their income after expenses as one thing, but then claiming higher expenses, or not mentioning cash freelance income when doing their taxes, and they don’t keep their true identity hidden online, then they are just asking to be audited by the IRS!
I also agree that one should be careful sharing income. I share with my immediate family and no one else because I don’t really know anyone else who would benefit from knowing my income (they either make way more than me or way less and are in totally different careers).
There are some bloggers who really come off as bragging about their online income, and it’s not really inspiring to others. There’s people struggling to get by out there and seeing that you made five figures online is not helping them.
I was actually thinking about net worth sharing the other day as I’m approaching a big milestone (for me) and was thinking about if it’s ever appropriate to tell people.
I mean, I’m going to tell my partner because we share everything except a bank account, but even just telling people in your life seems like it can be braggy or inappropriate.
In my opinion if you have to question whether to share or not, it’s best not to! And I agree it makes sense to tell your partner, but others don’t really need to know.
This hit a nerve for me. I LOVE income reports and a lot of bloggers that I respect and I think are legit make like $9,000-50,000 EACH MONTH with their mix of blogging, freelancing, consulting, affiliate marketing, sponsored posts, etc.
I love to see what is possible but at the same time it can be demotivating. I know that that is not their intention but that is how it feels at times. I want to be happy for people and I try to use my jealousy to motivate me but I’m human and at times it is hard.
I started blogging about my beginnings as a freelance writer. If I ever go beyond $50,000 freelancing then I will probably stop sharing my journey. The average income is $50,756 according to Wikipedia.
The income reports kind of drive me crazy because it’s really unnecessary. Most bloggers who give income reports are just looking to get others signed up via Bluehost for an affiliate link. I can’t blame them because I also am a Bluehost affiliate, but I think they can be misleading.
In my field, professionals coming out of school should theoretically be making the same amount of money. But that’s not usually the case. The gender gap is real, and some people are better than negotiating than others. After a few years this can become magnified, and you’ll see some doctors making significantly more than others for doing the same exact job.
This is why I tend not to share my specific salary with others. It can cause all sorts of emotions, and you;re right you can just look it up online.
Great points. Salaries can vary greatly depending on what you made when you first started at a company, how much you moved around, etc.
Thanks for this thoughtful post. Talking about having debt is actually easier than talking about positive net worth. 1-it doesn’t seem braggy, and 2-it doesn’t make you a target for handout requests or lawsuits.
Talking about debt can let others know they’re not alone and provide encouragement as you chip away at those payments. But maintaining frugality with positive net worth sometimes fosters resentment or judgment for not buying that new car or giving more generous gifts.
Everyone’s priorities are different-some want stuff, some want free time, some want early retirement, some want travel. Sharing is okay if you have thick skin, but not everyone will always agree with your choices.
And thank you for the thoughtful comment! Ultimately it’s everyone’s choice, but it’s important to keep in mind that everyone will have an opinion or perception about your decision. Some will say “I don’t care what others think” but honestly I think that’s short-sighted. We should care about what we say impacts others, because I don’t think anyone wants others to feel deflated or discouraged by what we share.
I agree that sharing your finances can result in one of the parties coming away from the conversation feeling worse. I personally find those conversations motivational even when I am the one walking away feeling bad. A conversation with a friend in 2012 inspired me to make some career moves that led to where I am today. Totally agree though that it’s dependent on personality and not everyone reacts the same way. I need to remember that sometimes.
The one thing that stood out to me in your comment was “a conversation with a friend.” I had a similar conversation about three months ago and it was motivational. If it was someone random or someone that I didn’t know had my best interest in mind, I would likely not have reacted positively.
When I first started blogging at Cashville Skyline I was anonymous. My alias was Addison Cash because I was nervous about my co-workers seeing my net worth updates. Now, I’m totally open about everything. I’ve always been an average earner, and I really want to show other creative professionals getting control of my finances and building wealth is possible!
Yes the anonymous versus not anonymous struggle is a big one for bloggers, whether you share finances or not. For me I wanted to be able to leverage my blog to build a “personal brand”, so being anonymous wasn’t a good option. I think you made the right choice.
Love this! I can definitely see both sides as well. I love ‘online income reports’ personally because that’s how I’m interested in earning money and you can’t go on Glassdoor or Payscale to get a realistic picture of how much freelancers are making because it’s all over the place. (plus it doesn’t provide any context). I like to see how people are earning money and if no one ever shared that, I probably wouldn’t have any idea what my earning potential could be and probably wouldn’t have as much motivation to do it. On the flip side, I don’t share the income I make at my FT job because I believe it’s unnecessary and won’t really help anyone. Plus, I stopped sharing my budget when I got married because initially I wanted to show an example of a real life budget but I feel people got the picture after a while. I do however, still find value is tracking my debt payoff progress on my blog since so many people struggle with that. There’s no many ups and downs with paying off debt!
Hmm it’s interesting you mention freelancing. Honestly many of the income reports I’ve seen – and am not a fan of – don’t break down their income in a way that is usable for pricing freelancing. Saying you made $5,000 last month freelancing but providing no detail or context is worthless imo. For freelance services I have found more value in private conversations with people I have built relationships with and have a level of trust with.
Thanks for writing about this topic. I’m with you. I share our debt numbers (down to $104,000 in mortgage debt from $257,000 consumer, business, mortgage combined), but not income or savings/investments. I understand why others choose to disclose more or less, but I agree that sometimes, envy and discouragement can be the result when we share. The important thing for people to know is that:
1. Most of us have more power to impact our finances than we realize.
2. As we confront our personal finances, we’re going to end up coming face-to-face with our biggest personal flaws.
As for your friend who won’t date anyone with student debt, maybe given his age (which I don’t know), he’s making a wise choice.
Great points. It’s definitely disheartening knowing that many people think they have very little influence over their finances. There are so many things you can do to improve your finances and get them in a better place.
I share a lot of numbers, but not my FT income. As we’re in debt, I’m not too worried about getting people jealous. The point is more to show our progress in the journey. Once we get past the debt, I may change how many actual numbers are shared . . . maybe use graphs, percentages, or charts.
I think you are smart for being sensitive to how you share it once you are out of debt. It just doesn’t always have the positive impact some think it does.
Wow, thank you so much about sharing an article like this. Money is a sensitive subject of conversation, probably mostly brought up by people who have it, and largely avoided by people who don’t. It’s a good idea to be respectful, and even sensitive to the fact of financial status, regardless of whether YOU feel it should/shouldn’t affect someone. In this way, it is very important to keep in mind when and with whom it’s appropriate. Thanks again for sharing!
centsai.com
Thanks so much for the kind words! I think it’s also important to be respectful of how we react when OTHERS share their finances. I’ve seen so many people react inappropriately.
Wow, I really appreciate you covering this topic! Lately I’ve been wishing we had an anonymous blog so we could share more about our financial lives. But then again, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with many of our friends knowing these details (for the reasons you mentioned), and I doubt I’d keep the blog a secret from them. I agree that people’s income and net worth reports can be discouraging to some. That doesn’t make them wrong, but I appreciate that you are sensitive to people’s feelings and the “status” labels associated with certain income levels.
Yes it’s definitely not right or wrong to share income/net worth updates, but I think some people are doing it without realizing the potentially negative impact it can have on others. I hear you about blogging anonymously. Virtually every blogger I know who went that route saw more value in NOT being anonymous and eventually revealed themselves.
I find exact details and numbers very valuable. Income reports and net worth posts are some of my favorite posts. I always truly believe that I can do it too, even if I am hundreds of thousands of dollars away from where they are. I have seen others react very negatively to concrete numbers and there has been some sass on twitter this week particularly concerning sharing net worth for high income individuals. I have a hard time relating to the jealously. Jealously motivates me! You can’t knock someone else for their success in my opinion. Anyways, great post and I like your approach on it.