Love and bliss and…finances?
Yes, finances aren’t the most fun thing to talk about with your partner, but money is a major factor in most relationships. Just like you need to have compatible personalities; you also need to speak the same financial language.
Whether you’re relatively new together or have been committed for quite some time, your financial situations will affect one another, for better or worse. It’s always a good idea to have regular, open discussions regarding money.
To get the conversation started, sit down with your partner and ask him or her these 6 money-related questions.
1) What are your financial goals?
While it’s a relatively broad question, your financial goals can tell you a lot about your compatibility. By having a conversation regarding goals, it can also help you figure out how to best support your partner, no matter what stage he or she is in.
See if you can learn what drives your partner to earn money. Does he want to earn just enough to live a simple lifestyle? Or does he want to be a multi-millionaire? What are his short-term financial goals? Long-term goals?
This is a great starter question, because it should help gear your conversation in a natural way, so long as your partner is willing to share.
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2) Do you have debt? What’s your debt repayment plan?
Everyone has different opinions on whether dating someone with debt is a good or bad idea, but the truth is, it’s a personal choice. Debt might be a deal breaker to some, while others aren’t as bothered by it.
Regardless of your view on relationships, it is vital to know whether your partner has debt. And if he or she does, you need to know what actions are being taken to pay off that debt.
For instance, it’s probably not the best idea to seriously date someone with $100k of debt and no plans to pay it off anytime soon. Or, if your partner has several maxed out credit cards, then realistically, the chances are that you will end up paying for most things. Being with someone who is ignoring their debt could end up putting you in a tough place financially down the road.
On the other hand, someone who has a detailed plan to pay off their debt shows that they are serious about rectifying their past financial mistakes. It may not be ideal to date someone with debt, but if they have control over it, then it might not have to be a complete deal breaker.
Again, how you view debt is a personal choice. But it’s dangerous to enter a serious relationship without knowing about your partner’s debt, because in the future, their financial struggles (or successes) will affect you.
3) How did your parents handle money?
No one is born knowing how to handle money, so our parents were likely the first example we really had. And their financial choices directly affected us as children. Even if your parents poorly handled their finances, it probably affects how you chose to handle your cash now that you’re an adult.
So talk about how you grew up. Was one parent the breadwinner? Did one parent manage the finances? Were the parents flashy spenders? Or did they hate to spend a dime?
While your partner probably doesn’t handle their finances exactly like their parents, knowing their background can help you understand how your partner views money.
4) What are your career goals?
How much money you make in a lifetime is largely dependent on your career plan.
There are two big benefits of asking this question. One, you will have a better understanding of what your earning potential is as a couple. And secondly, it will give your partner the opportunity to share any career goals that might require a major investment, such as becoming a doctor, entrepreneur, or college professor.
If you’ve been dating for any length of time, you probably have an idea of what your partner’s career goals are. But goals often change, so continue to keep an open discussion about where you see your career going.
5) What are your spending priorities?
Everyone chooses to spend their extra money differently. But it’s easy to judge how someone else spends their money if it doesn’t match your own spending priority. What’s why you need to be honest with one another about what’s important to each of you.
For instance, I love fashion. Though I never stray from my budget, I love to purchase new clothes to add to my wardrobe.
My husband, on the other hand, rarely buys anything new. His shoes could literally be falling apart and he will continue to wear them (on the plus side, I always know what to get him for Christmas!). Though we prioritize clothes very differently, he has never disapproved when I come home from shopping. He understands that fashion is a priority for me, but not for him.
Another note abut spending priorities: priorities can always shift. Though I love clothes, I definitely prioritize my debt above being able to go shopping. Once my debt is gone, I’ll probably put a higher emphasis on saving money. The key is to have regular, open conversations with your partner and to establish your shared financial priorities as well.
6) How do you think we can manage our money together?
No matter what stage of relationship you are in, you are managing your money together. Even if you’re casually dating, it’s important to discuss how you plan to manage money, since you’ll have many shared expenses.
For instance, who will pay for dates? If you’re considering moving in together, how will you split rent and other expenses? What should your savings goals be as a couple? How can you support each other in your individual financial endeavors? Who is responsible for paying the bills?
Of course, you don’t have to ask all of these questions right away. But a couple, you never want one of you to feel like you’re pulling more financial weight then the other, which can lead to resentment. By asking about money management, you can ensure you two are happy, healthy, and financially sound together.
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How do you keep the financial discussion going with your partner? What other questions do you think you should ask your partner?
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Love this! These are all questions I asked my (now) husband. It felt so good to get finances in order before we took that next step. I think it’s important for people in a committed relationship to talk about their finances and make sure both are in agreement with where they’re going. Saves hassle later on.
Agreed! I’m pretty sure my husband and I would drive each other crazy if we hadn’t talked about it. It saves a lot of disagreements when you both already know what your financial goals are as a couple.
Absolutely agre, in my personal opinion must to be clear and honest about finances, debt, goals with partner from the beginning of relation,, if you are a saver and your partner is a spender is better to know from the beginning and togethere find a right deal for your finances!!!
Yes! The saver versus spender mentality can be a huge divider if you don’t talk about it. I am a saver, while my husband tends to be more of a spender. We could talk openly about it and find a budget that works for both of us.
I never thought to ask about how the parents handle money. It’s a great way to get insight into your partner!
It is pretty insightful! I know I always relied on frugality because my parents did. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!